Writing an obituary can feel difficult when you are also grieving, but a simple structure can make the task more manageable.
This guide explains what to include, how to shape the details into a clear tribute, and what to check before sharing it.
What is an obituary?
An obituary is a written notice that announces a person’s death and shares selected details about their life.
It may include information about surviving relatives, meaningful accomplishments, personal qualities, and memorial or funeral arrangements.
Families may publish one in a newspaper, on a funeral home website, through a community organization, or in another appropriate place.
An obituary is not required to tell a person’s entire life story.
Its purpose is to provide accurate, useful information and reflect what mattered to the person and those who knew them.
The tone can be formal, warm, simple, or personal, depending on the family’s wishes and the publication’s guidelines.
What information should an obituary include?
Gather the facts before drafting.
A checklist can reduce the need to make difficult corrections later:
- Full name: Include the person’s preferred name, and, if relevant, a maiden name or other name by which they were known.
- Basic dates and location: Confirm the date of death and any birth details the family wants to share.
Include a place only when it is appropriate and verified. - Close family: Name relatives the family wishes to acknowledge.
Check spelling, relationships, and whether anyone should be omitted for privacy or personal reasons. - Life details: Consider hometowns, education, work, service, interests, community involvement, and other facts that help readers understand the person’s life.
- Personal qualities: Choose a few specific traits or values, such as generosity, humor, curiosity, or devotion to family.
- Service information: If arrangements are public, state the date, time, location, and whether the service is open to everyone.
Include a memorial preference only if the family has confirmed it. - Publication details: Follow the chosen newspaper, funeral home, or website’s instructions about length, deadlines, formatting, and photographs.
Ask a family member or trusted friend to verify names, dates, and arrangements.
If relatives disagree about what to include, agree on the purpose and audience first, then prioritize confirmed facts and the family’s privacy.
How to write an obituary step by step
1. Decide on the audience and tone
Think about who will read the obituary and what they need to know.
A newspaper notice may focus on essential facts and service details, while a longer online tribute can include more memories and context.
Keep the language respectful and natural rather than trying to sound overly formal.
2. Start with the announcement
Open with the person’s name and a clear statement that they died.
Add confirmed details the family wants to share, such as the date of death or age.
Avoid guessing about circumstances or adding information that has not been verified.
3. Select a few meaningful life details
Arrange details in a way that is easy to follow.
You might describe where the person grew up, their education or work, and the interests or relationships that shaped their life.
Choose details that reveal character instead of listing every milestone.
A short account of a favorite pastime or a longstanding community role can make the obituary feel personal without requiring a full biography.
4. Acknowledge relatives thoughtfully
Families often name close relatives who died earlier and those who survive the person.
There is no single required list.
Consider family preferences, complicated relationships, privacy, and space limits.
Confirm each person’s name and relationship, and use wording that feels accurate to those closest to the deceased.
5. Add confirmed arrangements
Include service details only after they are settled.
Specify whether the event is public, private, or invitation-only when readers need that information.
If details may change, check them again before submitting the obituary or sharing it online.
6. Revise for clarity and accuracy
Read the draft aloud.
Shorten long sentences, replace vague phrases with concrete details, and remove repeated information.
Check every date, spelling, relationship, and location with someone who can verify it.
Ask whether the person or family would be comfortable with each detail being public.
How long should an obituary be?
Length depends on the publication, format, and family’s goals.
A brief notice can communicate the essentials in a few paragraphs; a longer tribute can include more of the person’s story.
Newspaper rates and length limits vary, so contact the newspaper directly for its current requirements and pricing.
Do not assume that one newspaper’s rules or rates apply to another.
When space is limited, prioritize the death announcement, a concise description of the person’s life, the relatives the family wants to mention, and confirmed service information.
For an online memorial, additional stories or photographs may be appropriate, provided the family has permission to share them.
Common obituary writing mistakes to avoid
- Rushing fact-checking: A misspelled name or incorrect service time can cause distress.
Verify key facts before submission. - Trying to include everything: Select details that help readers understand the person rather than presenting a complete résumé.
- Using clichés without examples: Words such as “kind” or “devoted” carry more weight when paired with a specific, accurate detail.
- Sharing private information: Consider whether health, family, or financial details belong in a public notice.
When uncertain, leave them out or ask the family. - Assuming arrangements or prices: Confirm service details with the organizers and publication costs with the newspaper.
- Overlooking publication guidelines: Check submission deadlines, word limits, photo specifications, and formatting before sending the final draft.
Fictional obituary example with placeholders
The following is a fictional example.
Bracketed text is a placeholder and does not describe a real person.
[Full name], of [city or community], died on [date]. [He/She/They] was known for [a verified quality or interest] and spent [a brief, confirmed detail about work, family, or community life]. [Full name] is survived by [relatives the family wishes to name].
A [public or private] service will be held at [location] on [date and time]. [Optional confirmed memorial information.]
Use the example as a structure, not a script.
Replace each placeholder with details the family has confirmed, and remove any line that does not fit the person or the family’s wishes.
Where to get help with an obituary
A funeral director may explain submission options and help check service details.
A newspaper’s obituary department can provide its current word limits, deadlines, formatting rules, and rates.
Family members and friends can contribute memories or verify facts, while one person coordinates the final version to avoid conflicting drafts.
If writing feels overwhelming, begin with a list of confirmed facts and one or two details that capture what the person valued.
The obituary can be brief; accuracy, care, and respect matter more than length.