When writing an obituary, you can honor relatives who died before the person being remembered without making the family list difficult to follow.
The key is to identify the relationship clearly, use consistent wording, and include only the details the family wants to share.
Where to mention relatives who died earlier
Obituaries commonly name surviving relatives in a section such as “survived by” and relatives who died earlier in a section such as “preceded in death by.” These lists help readers understand the person’s family connections and distinguish those who are living from those who died before them.
The earlier-deceased relatives are often mentioned after the survivor list, though there is no required order.
Follow the family’s preference and any newspaper or funeral-home format.
If you use both sections, label them clearly rather than combining names under a heading that could imply everyone is living.
How to write a “preceded in death” list
Start with the person’s relationship to the deceased, then add a name if the family wants it included.
A simple list is usually easiest to read.
For example, it might name a spouse, parents, siblings, or children who died earlier.
Use a consistent pattern throughout.
You might write “preceded in death by [relationship and name]” or introduce a list with “Those who died before [name] include…” Avoid switching between formal relationship labels and unexplained first names, since readers may not know how each person was related.
- Clear: “She was preceded in death by her parents, [parent names], and her brother, [sibling name].”
- Also clear: “He was preceded in death by [spouse name], his wife of [number] years, and his sister, [sibling name].”
- Less clear: “Preceded in death by John, Mary, and Robert.” Without relationships, readers may not understand who these people were.
These are fictional examples.
Replace bracketed details with information confirmed and approved by the family.
Which family members should be included?
There is no universal list.
Families may name a deceased spouse or partner, parents, children, siblings, grandparents, or other relatives who had a meaningful place in the person’s life.
A shorter list may be more appropriate when the family is large, the obituary has a strict word limit, or some relationships are private.
Consider the purpose of the obituary.
It is a remembrance, not a complete family tree.
Include people whose relationships the family wants recognized, and check spellings, preferred names, and relationship descriptions with someone who knows the family history.
When many relatives could be named, use a broader phrase only if it remains accurate and the family is comfortable with it.
For instance, “She was preceded in death by her parents and several siblings” avoids a long roll call, but it should not replace names the family specifically wants to honor.
How to handle blended, adoptive, and chosen families
Family relationships may not fit a single traditional pattern.
A person may have stepchildren, adoptive relatives, half-siblings, a former spouse, a long-term partner, or close friends considered family.
The obituary writer should reflect the person’s own relationships and the family’s wishes rather than assume which labels are appropriate.
If a relationship could be misunderstood, use a brief, respectful clarification.
For example, “his stepfather, [name]” or “her chosen sister, [name]” may communicate the connection more accurately than a bare name.
Ask the family which terms feel right, especially where naming one person or relationship could create tension.
For a former spouse or partner, consider whether the relationship belongs in the obituary and how the person would have described it.
There is no need to explain private history.
A neutral relationship label or omission may be preferable, depending on the family’s wishes.
What if the family list is complicated?
Disagreements can arise about whom to include, what name to use, or whether a relationship should be described.
Keep the wording factual and avoid using the obituary to settle a dispute.
When possible, ask the person coordinating the arrangements to confirm the final list with the relevant family members.
If relatives have different views, a concise, neutral description can help.
You might state the relationship without adding commentary, or leave out details that are not necessary to understand the person’s life.
Do not guess at family history or repeat information that has not been verified.
Some families prefer not to name relatives who died earlier.
That is a valid choice.
An obituary can focus on the person’s life, interests, community, and surviving loved ones without including a “preceded in death by” section.
How to keep the wording compassionate and accurate
Use direct, gentle phrasing. “Preceded in death by” is widely understood, while “died before” may feel more conversational.
Choose wording that suits the overall tone, then use it consistently.
Avoid euphemisms that obscure who died or language that makes assumptions about grief, closeness, or family roles.
Before submitting the obituary, review the list carefully:
- Confirm each person’s name, spelling, and relationship.
- Check that the wording clearly distinguishes earlier-deceased relatives from survivors.
- Ask whether the family wants every name included, or prefers a shorter description.
- Make sure the list reflects the deceased person’s relationships as the family understands them.
- Review the publication’s submission requirements and word limits.
Newspapers set their own obituary rates, formatting rules, and word limits, so check directly with the publication before submitting.
A funeral home may also help prepare or place an obituary, but the family should review the final wording for accuracy and tone.
Fictional wording examples
The following examples are fictional and use placeholders.
They show different ways to handle the list without suggesting a real person has died.
- “[Full name] was preceded in death by [his/her/their] parents, [names], and [his/her/their] brother, [name].”
- “Those who died before [full name] include [relationship and name] and [relationship and name].”
- “[Full name] was preceded in death by [spouse or partner name]. [He/She/They] is survived by [brief survivor list, if desired].”
- “[Full name] was preceded in death by [number] siblings.
The family asks that their privacy be respected.”
Choose the version that fits the family’s preferences, verify every detail, and keep the focus on honoring the person’s life with care.