When writing an obituary, deciding whether and how to name a former spouse can bring up complicated feelings for family members.
This guide offers practical wording and placement options that honor the deceased’s life while keeping the notice clear and considerate.
Should you include a former spouse in an obituary?
There is no single rule for whether an obituary should mention a former spouse.
Consider the deceased’s wishes, the nature and length of the relationship, the family’s preferences, and whether the former spouse remained part of the person’s life.
An obituary is a brief account of someone’s life, not a complete record of every relationship.
A former spouse may be included when they shared children, remained close, or played a meaningful role in the person’s life.
Families may also choose to mention an earlier marriage as part of the deceased’s life history, even if the relationship ended long ago.
If the connection was distant or the deceased preferred privacy, leaving it out may be appropriate.
When possible, ask the person who is coordinating the obituary and consult close family members.
If the deceased left instructions or a draft, use those as the starting point.
The goal is to make a thoughtful choice without suggesting that every family member must agree about the past.
Where should a former spouse be mentioned?
Placement can help readers understand the relationship accurately.
A former spouse is often mentioned in a short life-history paragraph, near other details about marriage and family.
If the person remained close to the deceased, the obituary may also name them among surviving loved ones, provided that description feels accurate to the family.
Take care not to place a former spouse in a list of current family members in a way that implies they were still married.
Use a clear phrase such as “former spouse,” “former husband,” or “former wife,” depending on the wording and the person’s identity.
Avoid labels that may feel dismissive or judgmental.
If the former spouse is the parent of the deceased’s children, you can state that relationship directly.
This gives readers useful context without making assumptions about the former couple’s current relationship.
Respectful wording for a former spouse
Keep the language factual and brief.
The wording should identify the relationship without assigning blame, explaining private details, or implying that the marriage ended in a particular way.
Choose terms that reflect the deceased’s identity and the family’s preference.
- “[Name] was previously married to [Former Spouse’s Name].”
- “[Name] and [Former Spouse’s Name] shared [number] children, [Children’s Names].”
- “[Name] is survived by [children’s names], whose other parent is [Former Spouse’s Name].”
- “[Name] and [Former Spouse’s Name] remained friends after their marriage ended.”
- “[Name] shared many years of family life with [Former Spouse’s Name].”
These are fictional examples.
Replace bracketed text with verified details, and omit any statement that does not reflect the family’s knowledge or the deceased’s wishes.
In particular, do not describe someone as a friend, caregiver, or close companion unless that characterization is accurate and appropriate to share.
How can you mention a former spouse when children are involved?
When the former couple had children, naming the children is often enough to show the family connection.
For example: “She is survived by her children, [Names], and their father, [Former Spouse’s Name].” If the former spouse is not being named, the obituary can simply list the children.
Consider the children’s ages and wishes, especially when they are adults.
They may want their parent’s other parent acknowledged, or they may prefer the notice to focus on the deceased.
For minors, a neutral description can preserve privacy while making the family relationship clear.
In blended families, organize the names in a way that is easy to follow.
You might group children by family branch or introduce them with a concise phrase, such as “Her children included…” Avoid language that ranks children or suggests that one side of the family mattered more.
What if the relationship was difficult or estranged?
Families are not obligated to include a former spouse simply because a marriage took place.
If the relationship was painful, distant, or unsafe, the obituary can omit the former spouse and focus on the details the family is comfortable sharing.
A notice does not need to explain why someone is absent.
If a factual mention matters—for example, to identify a child’s parent—keep it neutral.
Avoid describing conflict, making accusations, or using the obituary to settle disagreements.
If relatives disagree, ask the designated obituary writer or the person responsible for the arrangements to make the final editorial decision, while considering any written wishes from the deceased.
For especially sensitive circumstances, use a short draft and have a trusted family member review it for accuracy and tone.
This is a writing and family communication suggestion, not legal advice.
If a dispute concerns legal rights or publication requirements, consult an appropriate professional or the publication directly.
Questions to check before submitting the obituary
- Does the wording distinguish a former spouse from a current spouse?
- Are names, relationships, and spellings verified?
- Does the notice respect the deceased’s known preferences?
- Have close relatives who may be affected had a chance to review the wording?
- Does every description of closeness or friendship reflect confirmed information?
- Can any private explanation be removed without making the obituary unclear?
Once the text is ready, check the publication’s submission rules and length limits.
Newspapers set their own rates and may charge based on factors such as word count, placement, or print format, so contact the publication for current details.
Online memorial notices may have different options and requirements.